dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize