remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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