My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
