bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
