I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
