i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
