i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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