how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
