seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
