i barfeds in our rink
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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