they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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