i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
