So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
