you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
