I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
