Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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