Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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