someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
