I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
