you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
