We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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