The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
