I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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