im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
