it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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