This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
