my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
