dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry about my life...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
