please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
