Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
