she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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