I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
