why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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