Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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