After last night, I could never be a politician.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
