There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
