Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
