elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
