so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
