I must be too annoying 4 u.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
