Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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