areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
