if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He passed out mid-signature
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
