A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
