We named our party play list daddy issues
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
