Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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