k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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