i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
