No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
