You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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