also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
