Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
