But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
