Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
