If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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