just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
