Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
