and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
