it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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