I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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