I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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