we're blogging at a bar
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize