I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
