I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
