I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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