I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
