Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
