she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
