Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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