he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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