apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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