they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
