where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
