I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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