apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
