im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
