does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize